im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
