wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
