I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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