Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
