Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
