How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
