Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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