just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize