hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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