i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
