By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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