I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
