cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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