She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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