So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
