The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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