non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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