I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize
