Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
