you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
