Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
