Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize