I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
