I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
