Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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