Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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