If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize