just tell him i said nine months
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
