Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
