so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Randomize
