Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
