I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
