I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
