Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
