i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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