why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
