so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
