there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
