the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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