So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
