i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
