it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
