I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
