I just pynch a tree in the face
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize