It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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