I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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