Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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