I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
