Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
