At least make sure they are 18
Why
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Come share oat with me in your robe
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
