from now on my penis is your penis
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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