Taylor Swift is so right about you.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
