Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
