this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
