i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
