Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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