He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize