I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
