After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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