dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
