I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
