Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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