This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
