Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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