Even the bartender felt bad for me
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
