I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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