Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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