oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
How external is "for external use only"?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
