Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize