Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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