alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
