I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
