brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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