Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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