38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
