Barsexuality is the new black.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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