We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
