ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
