I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
