4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
