We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize