i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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