I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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