I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize