Kiss
Puke
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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