Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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