now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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