my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
