Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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