Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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