I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize