Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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