Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Vodka?
Forever.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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