I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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