I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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