Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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