take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
