He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
