i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
