So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize