my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
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