Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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