a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Come share oat with me in your robe
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
