do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize