Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
