tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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