Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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