I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
