I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
