His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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