When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
