my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Alive.
So much puke
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
