I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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