I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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