i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
