hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
this hospital has no fireball
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
