so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Acid is not a monday night drug
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
